Yore has nothing to do with you.

The English language is a confusing, constantly changing labyrinth of words.  So many ways to say things!  So many ways to spell things!  So many big, three dollar words! (Some used here!) I am aware that not everyone has the benefit of having had the inimitable($) Nancy Atchley as an English teacher in 7th grade the way I did, but every American has had some sort of basic instruction in their own language.  Most of us had mandatory instruction for 12 years!   Why is it then that people from other countries who learned English as a second language speak it better than some of us do?  I'm not talking about the people who immigrate here not knowing English (more on that in a second), I'm talking about people who live in another country with a completely different Mother tongue who speak and write English flawlessly while "native" speakers here butcher it.  As for immigrants who can't speak English, ever notice how the people who complain the loudest about having to press 1 for English are the ones who can't speak or write it themselves?  Always a problem on resumes and job applications, the advent($) of social networks like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter highlight how many people don't have a grasp on the written language.  Some of my favorites are Heterographs, words that sound alike but have different meanings and different spellings.  They're (they are), their (belongs to them) and there (not here) are frequently interchanged along with to (direction or point), too (also or more) and two (after one, before three) as well as its (possessive form of it) and it's (it is.)  Let's not forget know (knowledge) and no (not yes).  The one that drives me completely up the wall are your (belongs to you), you're (you are) and yore (times long past).  Seriously?  People don't know that yore is a word that's pretty much obsolete unless you're a poet or write medieval($) bodice rippers?  I once took a job application from a young man who left his previous job because he wasn't getting "inuff" hours.  He didn't get any hours at our place either.  Another application stated the applicant wanted to be "traned in magemen."  We decided to pass on him too.  If you're on a diet, you lose weight, not loose it.  Loose is how your clothes fit at the end of your diet.  When your children's fighting gets out of control, it escalates, not escalades.  An Escalade is an obnoxious vehicle manufactured by Cadillac that people my parent's age drive.  And park in two spaces.  There is no such word as alot.  It's either a misspelling of allot (assign, set aside) or a lot (a great amount.)  Where is a place, were is not.  Were is what you used to be.  Or the first part of the word that names guys who turn into slavering($), crazed wolfmen who kill indiscriminately.  I am not alone in bemoaning($) the sad state of our language.  I have several friends who also cringe when they hear or read someone botching($) it.  They even bust me on occasion.  I have been known to confuse whose (possesive form of who) and who's (who is.)  I created a nifty Facebook note called "Guess Whose Coming to Dinner" and was immediately called out on it.  How disconcerting($) to be caught doing the annoying thing that I find so annoying in others!  (Lady Wendy you know who you are!)  English is our language, why can't we speak it?  People speaking badly.

Cars That Take Two Spaces And Other Parking Snafu's

American culture is practically built around cars.  Henry Ford perfected mass production and our love affair was off and running.  Getting our driver's license is a milestone because it means freedom.  Freedon for cruising, dating, and going wherever we want without having to get a ride.  Getting our first car is another milestone.  At last, a vehicle that belongs to us and not one shared with an overprotective parent who gripes if the mirrors are moved and the radio is changed!  Our cars become extensions of our personalities with personalized plates, paint jobs, decals and accessories.  We love our cars like we love members of our families and some people treat their cars better than their family members!  All those places we like to go usually have parking lots and parking lots are where people can really behave badly.  One of the places I like to go has narrow parking places.  Basically, they're trying to cram in as many cars as possible in a fairly small lot, but if people pay attention and park carefully, this isn't a problem.  Instead, someone will just whip into a parking place willy nilly with their tires on or even over the line so the car parking next to them will have to either squeeze up next to them or park over the line in their space as well.  This causes a chain reaction down the row and the last space ends up being unusable because the first guy was too lazy to park correctly.  Plus, the problem isn't rectified when the offending car leaves since all the cars in the row are off kilter.  It just keeps happening over and over as new cars pull in and try to park.  What's up with the people who feel the need to park right in front of the door and block it while waiting for someone inside?  It apparently doesn't occur to them that they're impeding traffic, both the foot kind and the vehicular kind.  They can't pull into a space and drive to the door when their party comes outside?  Although not in a lot, street parking has its share of annoyances.  I hate driving down the street and encountering people who have parked on the wrong side.  In case you're wondering what that means, it's when you park on the left side of the street facing oncoming traffic.  People who do this have to cross traffic to park and again when they leave.  It happens all the time at the mailboxes in my neighborhood.  People think "Oh, I'm only going to be a minute!"  Unfortunately, the mailbox is a high traffic area and I feel as if I take my life in my hands whenever I pick up mail!  The worst parking offense is the people who take more than one space intentionally.  It always seems to happen when the lot is overflowing and everyone is driving around in circles looking for an empty spot.  And it's ALWAYS someone who drives a fancy schmancy vehicle that's been waxed pleather pants shiny with a lot of custom work thrown in.  Apparently, their car is too precious for them to park next to the mediocre vehicles owned by the rest of us and risk getting dinged.  I used to work with a woman who was like that.  She drove a cute little sporty BMW and took up two spots everywhere she went.  At the mall, the grocery store, her kid's school, the doctor's office, everywhere.  One year, during the Christmas shopping frenzy, she pulled her little parking trick in the parking garage at a major shopping center.  When she came back out to her car, to her horror, she discovered her cute little sporty BMW had been keyed.  Repeatedly.  Although I'm not condoning the vandalism, I am not ashamed to admit I felt a tiny spark of glee that she had gotten what she deserved.  Basically, if your car is too priceless for you to park it correctly, leave it at home.  No one is impressed with it or your pretentious behaviour.  Really.  People behaving badly.

Gym Etiquette

A large part of the healthy lifestyle so many of us are living is going to the gym.  My husband and I are no exception.  We joined our local gym even before it opened.  One day, we were walking past an empty building and noticed a sign advertising a gym opening soon.  The owner was there and invited us inside and took us on a "tour" of what would be there when all the remodeling was finished.  We signed up and became the 5th and 6th members of a now thriving fitness facility that's been open for a decade.  Our gym has a large variety of equipment from elliptical machines to treadmills and both free weights and machines as well as a speed bag and a punching bag.  There are  bootcamp, step, spinning and yoga classes.  This variety attracts a variety of clientele.  Everyone from kids still in high school to senior citizens all feel comfortable working out.  If you've been going to a gym for awhile, you're probably aware of a thing called "gym etiquette."  That's the behavior that makes sweatily exercising right next to someone else bearable.  Most people instinctively understand how to behave, but there are a few that have no clue.  My husband likes to call them meatheads.  Usually he means a select few of the muscle guys, but not always.  On the treadmill next to me once was a woman leisurely walking, carrying on a long, extended conversation on her cell phone with her boyfriend.  Lots of kissy noises and baby talk.  I couldn't crank my mp3 loud enough!  There was also a sign right in front of her banning cell phone usage.  Our gym has three sizes of lockers, full sized, half sized and third sized.  There are plenty of smaller ones, but only a few full sized.  During busy times, it's next to impossible to get a full sized, so I cram my bag, shoes, towel and coat into a small one.  Invariably, one of the full sized lockers will be taken by someone with a tiny little bag and nothing else.  Why do they feel the need to take a big locker?  Our gym has six benches in the free weight area that are premium real estate.  Sometimes guys will come in and put their towel, water bottle, gym bag (get a locker!) and workout log on one bench while using another.  They never seem to notice all the other people waiting for a bench.  These are usually the same guys who stand directly in front of the dumbbell rack doing reps while completely blocking anyone else from using the other dumbbells.  I also don't understand the guys who tie up two machines for an hour at a time, loading them with as much weight as the machines will hold, all the while looking around to see who is looking at them.  They don't actually ever seem to lift any of that weight, they just want everyone to think they are.  I'd be more impressed if they did their reps and freed up the machines.  My all time biggest gym peeve is guys who don't rack their weights when they're finished.  What does that mean?  It means when you're finished with a machine or piece of equipment, unload the weight plates you put on it and put them back where they belong.  Not on the floor next to the machine, not leaning up against the wall, and not left on the machine itself.  It's a huge imposition for a senior or small woman to have to remove 270 pounds from the bench press when they only want to lift the 45 pound bar!  Notice I said put the weights back where they belong?  The 45 pound plates go with other 45's, not on top of the 25's and the dumbbells are racked in order, not helter skelter whichever space is closest to you.  The large sign that says "Rack your weights when you're finished" isn't just for decoration.  People behaving badly.

Ball Teams in Restaurants

Every summer here in the Midwest, and maybe in your neck of the woods as well, there is a phenomena known as youth ball teams.  Organized groups of young boys and girls are signed up to learn the fundamentals of the game as well as good sportsmanship, respect, teamwork, practice, and dependability.  They play other organized teams in their area and at the end of the season, there is a big tournament.  Sometimes, teams from other areas travel here to play in this tournament.  The tournament is an all day affair, sometimes an all weekend affair, with winners of games playing winners of other games and the losers going home in defeat.  Now, being an all day event with the possibility of a short turn around between games, I would think that the families of the players would arrive at the ball park with a game plan for lunch.  A cooler stashed in the car with the makings for a picnic perhaps?  Cleverly locating where the nearest sandwich shop or fast food joint is?  Bringing enough cash to purchase concessions from the ball park itself?  Instead, all too often, I see entire teams and their families decend on a casual dining restaurant with a limited amount of time to spend for lunch.  The first person to arrive usually has no idea how many people are in their party which makes it difficult, if not impossible, to determine where to seat them.  No one ever over estimates how many people are in the party so if the table is set up to seat 30, invariably 36 will show up and the last to arrive will be outraged that the restaurant didn't set up enough seats and will demand that another table of customers be moved to accomodate them because they're IN A HURRY!  The kids almost always sit away from their parents.  This, by itself, is not a problem since the parents usually identify their offspring by their jersey number.  However, their kids will often order something that the parents don't want them to have and when it arrives, they will verbally berate the server.  It never occurs to them that the server has no idea what the kid is allowed or not allowed to have.  What is common in one family is not common in another.  It takes some time to take the orders of 30 plus people, more time than it takes for a table of 4 and it takes more time to ring them in as well as for the kitchen to prepare all those orders.  Usually, even before the last order is taken, someone from the table very irritably demands to know how much longer it's going to take to get their food, because they're IN A HURRY!  As the servers are desperatly trying to ring in all this food, another parent will come up to the computer to complain that their kid has had an empty drink for the last five minutes.  They don't mention that their kid chugged the drink as soon as it was set in front of them.  They probably don't know this since they're sitting at the other end of the table.  (Here's a fun fact about kid sized drinks: Those colorful kid cups look to be about half the size of adult drinks, but most of them are actually 12 oz. while adult drinks are only 16 oz.  A 4 oz. difference which is in fact only half a cup.  Now you know why your kid won't eat his meal after downing two or three drinks.)  Finally the table gets their food and, of course, someone complains because they didn't know their order had tomatos or guacamole or cheese or something else that is very clearly stated in the menu.  But, since they're IN A HURRY, they can't afford to wait for something else to be made so they sit and loudly complain about what a horrible restuarant this is and they didn't want to come here anyway.  Last, but not least, is the seperate check fiasco.  Seperate checks are not a problem in most cases.  Ball teams are not most cases.  Trying to get the right kid on the right ticket, dealing with the parent who doesn't want to pay for the chocolate shake that junior ordered and drank, removing the order that had the offending tomato, guac, cheese, etc. on it, running multiple credit cards, making change for the cash payers, including the guy who only has a $100 bill for his $9 ticket and is IN A HURRY, all take time.  We're talking about dealing with money here.  After the team has cleared out, all too often the servers discover that they've been left a stingy tip or no tip at all.  The parents seem to think that the restaurant is thrilled to have their business.  Yes and no.  Yes, they're happy to have any business, but weekends are already busy for most places and if the lot is full of multiple cars for one group, other customers will go somewhere else.  No favors are being done here.  It ends up being a stressful situation for everyone. Remember those lessons in good sportsmanship and respect?  Kids will copy what they see their parents do.  People behaving badly.