Beyond Discourteous

Courtesy and manners were a big deal when I was growing up.  In school, at church and at home we were taught to say please and thank you, yes ma'am/sir no ma'am/sir,  open doors for women and the elderly, take off our hats inside, offer to carry heavy things for our elders, take our muddy shoes off outside and to never sit on a made bed among many other little things that made life easier for those around us.  It was hard work learning everything and sometimes we struggled, but in the end, most of us turned out well mannered, courteous adults.  Boy, those days are well and truly gone.  Self esteem has become the big deal.  We now have a generation of young adults that have no understanding of courtesy because instead of learning manners and how to behave, their self esteem was fostered and catered to.  They have an inflated sense of self worth and self importance that borders on the ridiculous and no awareness or empathy for those around them.  I used to manage the cafe at a large bookstore where we sold pastries, sandwiches and made coffee drinks among other things.  One day, while filling an order, one of my employees cut his hand very badly with a knife.  Blood was everywhere, running down his arm and pooling in the floor.  He and I were the only two there at the time so of course we stopped everything and applied pressure to the wound before sending him to the hospital to get stitches.  (He ended up getting 16.)  The "gentleman" whose order we were making, demanded that we finish making his smoothie and do first aid later.  He then had the audacity to ask if he could get it for free since he had been inconvenienced by having to wait.  My sister is on crutches right now because she has a broken foot.  The other day as she was walking (hobbling) into a restaurant, the couple in front of her let the door slam on her. Both the outer door and the inner one.  Seriously, how can you be so unaware of your surroundings that you drop a door on a handicapped person twice?!  At another location, she was standing on one foot, getting her crutches out of the back seat of the car when a guy whipped into the parking place next to her and banged her with his door when he got out.  He never made eye contact or apologized, even when he realized she was on crutches.  Nope, he just kept on going.  My husband works as a customer service rep for a company that makes GPS units.  Yesterday our area had severe storms with several tornadoes.  Many buildings were evacuated, storm sirens were shrieking and the National Weather Service was broadcasting instructions for seeking shelter immediately.  His department had to tell the people on their calls that they had a tornado approaching and were being evacuated to the basement.  Many of his co-workers actually had people get pissy at them and demand that they fix their problem before they evacuated.  Really?  You think updating your mapping is more important than someone's life?  How self-centered are you? People behaving badly. 

Kids In Grown-up Places

I love being a grown-up.  I love being able to do what I want to when I want to, within reason of course.  I can go where I want to go, eat what I want to eat and go to bed when I want to go to bed.  (We won't talk about the fact that I'm usually unconscious by 10:00!)  Because I'm a grown-up, some of the places I like to go are grown-up places, meaning places meant for grown-ups.  Why is it then that I see so many kids at these places?  The gym comes to mind.  Too often I'll see a little kid running through, climbing on equipment or playing in the water fountain while Mom or Dad is working out, oblivious to their child's antics.  Not only is it annoying for other people working out, it's also dangerous.  Exercise machines and weights aren't toys. A big guy curling 120 pound dumbbells in each hand is going to drop them on the mat next to him without thinking there's a child underfoot.  The kid could be injured, but so could the guy if he tries to "catch" the weights.  Some gyms have a daycare, but if yours doesn't, hire a sitter.  I like to go to some really nice restaurants.  The kinds that have a good wine list, multiple forks, table cloths, a humidor and daily specials created by a chef and recited by the server when they greet my table.  I am stunned whenever I see someone with a kid in one of these places.  I once had the pleasure of listening to a woman at a nearby table complain endlessly that there were no crayons for her child and she just couldn't believe they didn't have chicken tenders on the menu.  Her poor kid looked bored to death and picked at his meal.  Really?  With all the places out there that cater to families with balloons, colorful kid menus, playgrounds and game rooms, why in the world would you drag your child to a place that very obviously isn't kid friendly?  Parties are also a good example of grown-up events that shouldn't have kids in attendance.  For any smart alecs out there, I am not talking about kid's birthday parties, Easter egg hunts, family picnics or the like.  I'm talking about grown-up parties with kegs, dancing, card playing, smoking, wine and/or scotch tasting and maybe a stripper or two.  The invitation will always say "no kids."  Invariably, someone will show up at one of these events with a child in tow and act totally amazed that there aren't any other kids there!  What are they thinking?  Perhaps my biggest inappropriate kid place peeve is the movies.  Again, I'm not talking about Shrek or Kung Fu Panda.  I'm talking about adult movies with adult themes and adult language.  Several years ago  my husband and I went to a first run movie.  The theater was completely full.  In walk a man and his wife carrying an infant and a little boy.  This movie was full of scary creatures and quite a bit of violence in the form of war.  The little boy was terrified (and is probably still in therapy) while the infant screamed the entire 2 1/2 hours.  No one in the theater enjoyed the movie thanks to the thoughtless and selfish people that just had to bring their children.  I realize that many parents work long hours and want to spend as much quality time with their kids as possible, but dragging them to grown-up places and events isn't quality time by any means.  Kids like kid things and kid places. It's the ultimate in selfishness when an adult who has kids doesn't want to change their life in any way and forces their kids along for the ride.  People behaving badly.

Man's Best Friend

For many people, pets are as much a part of their family as the human members.  I'm no exception with my two kitties.  At one time, I had two dogs, three cats and two fish tanks.  We were just a big happy furry, waggy, purry, swimmy bunch!  Most of my friends have pets as well and they often get Christmas gifts from my pets and vice versa.  I even have pictures of other people's pets on my phone.  Owning an animal is a major undertaking.  They must be fed regularly, have checkups and shots, their living spaces need to be cleaned, they need to be groomed and some must be exercised long and often.  Why is it then that some people take on owning an animal without doing any planning or research?  A good friend of mine owns a dog that once belonged to a relative.  This relative was out with her kids one day and came across a group of rescue dogs up for adoption.  She decided on the spot to adopt one, bring it home, toss it out into the back yard with a large dog they already owned and feed them out of the same bowl.  She couldn't understand why the older dog became so aggressive and why the new dog spent all its time cowering in the corner.  Duh!   If my friend hadn't taken the dog, it would have ended up back in the shelter because "it just didn't work out."  I also just love the people who decide to get a pet to "teach their kids responsibility."  That's right, take a little kid who's never been responsible for a single thing in his entire life and has no concept of time and only a shaky concept of consequences and put him in charge of feeding, watering, exercising and cleaning up after a living, breathing creature.  At first it will be fun to take care of the new pet, but after a few days, chances are the kid would rather play than be responsible.  At first it won't be such a big deal to remind him, but after a few weeks, chances are the parents will be sick of nagging.  Best case scenario is the parents end up taking care of the animal.  Worst case scenario is the animal goes to the shelter.  You'd be surprised how many shelters hear this story.  Maybe you should teach your kid responsibility and THEN get a pet.  Just a thought.  Then there are the people who decide to own an exotic pet like a boa constrictor without realizing that they can grow to over 10 feet long and live as long as 30 years and require very specific living conditions and food.  When it gets to be too much, they'll just let the snake go figuring it will go back to its natural environment.  Unfortunately, releasing a boa out into the wild is releasing a new species into the ecosystem resulting in havoc on the existing wildlife and that's if the snake survives.  I knew a girl who decided that she wanted to breed a certain type of hunting dog so she bought a male and female with no clue how to go about breeding them.  Her husband was active duty and they got orders to move, so she took the dogs several miles away and dumped them.  Her rationale was "Someone will find them and give them a good home."  Chances of that happening were pretty slim.  I stopped talking to her after that.  My favorite people are the ones who own a pet for many years and then find out that they're pregnant.  Suddenly, the pet must go!  They post flyers and ads saying things like "Sweet, well behaved pet to good home.  After many years of trying, we're finally pregnant!  We just won't have time for a pet and a new baby."  More animals end up in shelters for this reason than you'd imagine.  People who work in shelters and foster animals in their homes are beyond disgusted at this one.  It's as if the pet was a substitute for a baby and now that there's a real baby, the pet can be disposed of like a disposable camera, disposable contacts and disposable diapers.  Certain countries in other parts of the world eat animals we consider pets.  Sometimes I think their ethics are more honest.  At least they're up front about what they do while people here talk a good game, but treat animals with a cavalier and contemptible attitude.  People behaving badly.

If You're Not Ready To Order, Say So

Americans do like to go out to eat.  We love going to a place where not only will they cook your food and bring it to you, but they'll wash the dishes too!  I'm no exception.  It's a real treat to go out to a nice restaurant with my husband, have a glass of wine and catch up on our day while someone else does all the work.  With fewer and fewer people actually knowing how to cook, there are more and more people wanting to eat out and more and more restaurants to accommodate them.  There is almost an entire generation of kids who's normal is eating out.  It seems as if the only time they get a home cooked meal is Thanksgiving and even that's not a sure thing.  Most people who eat out know how to behave in a public environment, but there are others who seem to believe they are European Nobility who must be waited on hand and foot by the minions who serve them.  It's not uncommon to have a server greet a table with a friendly "Hi, how are you tonight?" and have the diner respond with "Diet Coke" in a monotone without even looking up from the menu.  If the server can make an effort to be friendly, why is it so hard for the person at the table to make the same effort?  Just because you had a bad day at work does not make it OK to be rude.  If you need more time to look over the menu and decide what you'd like, say so. Don't keep the server standing there waiting on you.  It's a sure bet that they have refills to get, another table to greet and someone else wanting to pay their bill.  It's self centered to make them  put all their other tables on hold while you pour over every item on the menu because you're afraid they won't be back at the exact moment you're finally ready to order.  It also amazes me that people seem so surprised when they decide to go out to eat on a Friday or Saturday night and the restaurant is on a wait.  Guess what?  Everyone wants to go out on Friday and Saturday night!  Don't be nasty to the 16 year old girl taking names, it's not her fault you decided to come out at the same time everyone else did.  If the restaurant uses those little vibrating pagers, please don't give it to your toddler to hold while you chat with your friends.  If it goes off, your kid thinks his neat toy just got neater, he has no idea your table is ready.  Chances are if you don't respond after a few pages, they'll give your table to the next name.  We all know how that's going to go over, don't we?  The time quoted to you for your wait is not an exact science either.  It's an educated guess based on how many names are on the list and how long previous tables waited.  If you were quoted 20 minutes and it's been 25, don't get huffy.  Being hateful to a 16 year old is petty.  The host can't make people get up and leave who have decided to camp.  No one cares that you have a four year old in your party who's hungry and cranky.  Your lack of planning doesn't make it anyone else's emergency.  You also need to be aware that you need to give up your table to all the other people waiting when you're finished.  Someone close to me forgets what she's ordered by the time our food arrives.  The poor food runner stands there saying "BBQ Chicken Salad?" while she looks around at everyone else.  When we tell her it's hers, she adamantly denies it.  How do you forget what you ordered in the span of 10 minutes?  If you have a coupon, present it when you order.  If there are restrictions, don't get hateful about it.  Those restrictions are usually printed right on the coupon itself, read it!  I once went to brunch with a group of people I didn't know well.  Two of them  were put on the same ticket and asked for separate checks after the fact.  It was an older system that required a lengthy void procedure so the server just divided their ticket by hand.  Each of them paid by credit card and got a separate receipt, but they acted as if they were massively inconvenienced, complaining loudly.  Really?  You were able to pay separately, so what's the problem?  I won't be going anywhere with them again.  Don't tap your fork on your glass to get the server's attention and don't whistle at them.  You're not in a beer commercial and they're not a dog.  If you ask for something say please.  If you receive something say thank you.  We teach little kids to do this, why is it so difficult for so many adults to do it?  People behaving badly.